why am I as I was and not as I am tonight?

cheek flushed and blushed, I am in this moment right

what’s left shined through when it burned too bright 

eager for a dream, I, the full moon in the daylight

eyes closed so I can stare into the sun 

to feel warmth where there was none

I am cupping clear water in my hands to make a mirror from that deep winter I forgot, 

the coldest deep blue water of my thought

Where I was too fearful of the unfound bottom to swim. 

it’s the depth and deepness and not knowing within

I hold a bit of grit

until it turns over and over in my stomach to make a pearl in my insides

glimmering shining iridescent like a 2 tone Cadillac at sunset

I think fake diamonds are more reflective, but we hate liars, and those who cheat at being true beauty

Round little pain like the moon in my palm

it is heavy and controls the tides

and pulls forceful tears from onlookers eyes

I’d like to be an apparition because you might doubt seeing me

and you might interpret me as an omen when I walk into a room to get a glass of water for this endless thirst

why a bird flies without asking why 

enough to jump mid-air into the sky 

the not knowing is weightlessness 

and makes me wrestle restlessness 

so I say that I am not known

Think of me like a word you forgot

Changeling

a callous on the hand that fades when out of work 

a cut healed

the hedge grown over

the tires gone bald

the candle melted

the bone broken

the bone mended

the horse broken

the dog tamed

the field barren

the house burned down when you lit a candle and left 

the forgetting

newness like the smoothed over ankle cut from marble 

carved by the wind or by hand

such things are made new by intention alone

so I say I am new by intended decay

My intention, My big statement, that I am fiction 

Loreum, Loreum, Loreum

to be disbelieved

I am no longer real

so I may jump mid-air into the sky 

without ever asking why